My timeline, my mind and my soul's feed.

I reach out to you, I cut myself open so you can see me,

But still it doesn't satisfy you, you want in your hands my heart that's beating,

I break every rule I have set, I almost enslave myself to your ideology,

Still that won't suffice, you're unmoved by my suffering.

You feel no pain, when you watch me bleed,

You feel no pain, when you watch me bleed,

You and you and you, have become my unrelenting need,

You're on my timeline, my mind and my soul's feed.

Yesterday you said I was selfish, 

That I didn't care about anybody else but me,

With reckless abandon hurtful words you dish,

Yet I'm the one expected to issue an apology,

Bait in your ocean yet no caught fish,

I'm tired of this mindless choreography,

No matter what card you unleash,

I'm no longer moved by your "topography" 

You feel no pain, when you watch me bleed,

You feel no pain, when you watch me bleed,

You and you and you, have become my unrelenting need,

You're on my timeline, my mind and my soul's feed.

You feel no pain, when you watch me bleed,

You feel no pain, when you watch me bleed,

You and you and you, have become my unrelenting need,

You're on my timeline, my mind and my soul's feed.

You won't succeed in turning me into an Adele,

There will be no bitterness, that my songs shall tell,

Freedom will free me, wild and unbound I will inhale,

Love anew, imprisoned in Cupid's cell...

Be Like Water

I have been itching to write lately, because it's been aeons since words poured out of me. I racked my brain for topics to tackle, and the one word that kept coming to me was water. And water it was.

I decided to remind myself of my favourite water quotes courtesy of good reads because like they say, 71% of me just like the universe is water. There's something about water, the sound of its flow brings a serenity too sublime for words. Watching the waves ebb and flow stills my mind, one of the reasons why I miss Mombasa so much. One of my favourite pastimes was sitting at this stone-carved/concrete bench at Fort-Jesus and releasing myself to the sound of the waters and the waves.

I've complied a couple of sayings that I really love concerning water, apart from water always finds its level. 

Here goes:

1: “Anger is like flowing water; there's nothing wrong with it as long as you let it flow. Hate is like stagnant water; anger that you denied yourself the freedom to feel, the freedom to flow; water that you gathered in one place and left to forget. Stagnant water becomes dirty, stinky, disease-ridden, poisonous, deadly; that is your hate. On flowing water travels little paper boats; paper boats of forgiveness. Allow yourself to feel anger, allow your waters to flow, along with all the paper boats of forgiveness. Be human.”

 C. JoyBell C.

2. “The cure for anything is salt water - tears, sweat, or the sea.” 

 Isak Dinesen, Seven Gothic Tales

3. “Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.” 

Margaret Atwood, The Penelopiad

4. “No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink. 
” 

Jarod Kintz, The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

5. The sun shines down, and its image reflects in a thousand different pots filled with water. The reflections are many, but they are each reflecting the same sun. Similarly, when we come to know who we truly are, we will see ourselves in all people.

I'm not quite sure why the word water has been on my mind lately, maybe I need more of it, maybe I need to re-acquaint myself with it. All I know it, if most of the world is water, if most of a human being is water, if the first nine months of a human's life are spent in water, if in the beginning was thick darkness and water, then there are secrets in this eternal compound that only its drops can whisper. 

PS: Image courtesy of wallsave . com. 

They All Amount To Me

Opinionated, conflict-evader, erratic, crazy, 

free thinker yet restrained doer, bathroom popstar, 

Team Becoming, dreamer, afraid to fall yet always finds a way to stand, 

impatient, big believer in inward greatness, talkative during the day, Silence-Space-Stillness craving introvert at dusk, 

certified wanderer, in love with dawn monologues, at home with my three acknowleged voices, fashioNOsta, dedicated information disperser, foodie, sociable yet anti-social, guided by the heart yet held back by my head, 

an open book yet a complex melange of experiences, fears, expectations, past hurts and perceived limitations, genuine to a fault, still waiting for that house by a singing stream. 

All these are facets of me, I wonder how much more I don't know about myself!! There's a song I love to sing, it's a mash up of two songs.

" I am a flower quickly fading, here
today and gone tomorrow, a wave
tossed in the ocean, a vapour in the wind...

so who am I that You are
mindful of me, that You hear me when
I call, and is it true that You are
thinking of me? That You love me? It's
amazing. ~I am yours~ 

Facets of me, pieces incomplete,

shadows stalked by many a memory,

All these make up the "mystery" that amounts to me. 

Fahamu Fika

Sijui nikwambieje, moyo wangu watetema, 

hofu imenitanda mawazo yarandaranda, 

sidhani niko sawa

sijui nikwelezeje, bila wewe sina usalama naungama, 

pete kawaida huvikwa chanda walakin ni bayana tuko njia panda, 

pasi na wewe napagawa. 

Ila wanisusia, 

manake ushakuwa mchezo wa shere, 

yaogee maji ukishayafulia, 

keti utue mwaserere, 

kisha kama huoni gere, 

kunihadaa kuniacha nikiumia, 

haina kwere, 

mwafulani uchungu nishauzoea. 

Fahamu fika katika harakati za maisha, ah ah, 

ya dunia kawaida huisha ah ah, 

fahamu fika katika harakati za maisha ah ah, 

huba hufifia kisha. 

Naam najua, naam najua, 

naam najua, naam najua.

I want To Crush And Burn And Be Allowed To learn.

It's rare when I feel the need to be naked emotionally...or so I tell myself. Most of my notes could be intepreted* as a silent, nay ear-shateringly loud cry for help...they are not. I'm not being cryptic, you do not have to read between the lines to decipher. I think I'm lonely. *Weeps* It sucks to admit that but I think I am. Not for erotic love, God no! Lonely for the love that loveth genuinely and understands earnestly. 

Friends have become strangers, bossom buddies have become pillars of salt. Memories, they haunt like the ghosts of christmas past and it's disheartening. I've woken up lonely, because in my dreams lately I'm running and falling with no one to catch me. I'm aching and screaming with no one to hold me. I'm reaching out albeit silently but there's no straw to clasp hold of for dear life. Deserted. I feel deserted. 

I don't pretend to be happy, I have ineffable joy! I have learned to make peace with the problems that seem hellbent on destroying me. After all, fire purifies gold, it doesn't decimate it. I however crave to lean on someone; fighting alone is akin to death in a cold icy dungeon. Alas, there are no warriors surrounding me. Nobody to carry me, wounded I'm left alone to bleed! I'm bloody and in need of bandaging, pierced to the sides like Jesus yes I'm hurt. And like him I'm dying to save the world...but I'm yielding to eternal silence because nobody WILL rescue me. 

Is this a clarion call? no. Is this a battle cry? NO. What is it? Quite frankly sijui. I want to break into ashes surrounded who understand the rebirth of a phoenix. But I'm all alone, feeling like I'm fighting a loosing battle. This is not me asking for pity, far from it. This is not me asking for sympathy, I detest it. I crave for empathy, that is the rare jewel my soul seeketh. 

I want someone to say, "You can be Clark or Bruce, the world will still be here tomorrow, what can I do for you?" That. That's what I want. I don't want love, unless it's unrequited, I don't want fun, unless it's unadulterated. I want empathy, I want to feel safe, I want to know I won't go down or drown. I want to crush and burn and be allowed to learn. May be you'll hear my cry and step up, before I have a glacier for a heart and become a hermit. I'm at the periphery, and once I cross that line, I'm not coming back. Goodbye human heart, welcome to the abyss.

The Keyboard That Made This House Its Home.

So Sunday I was asked to perform a poem based on a status I randomly posted. I was hesitant, I don't consider myself a poet, a lyricist maybe...so I said I'd work on a song instead, it's easier to sing infront of a crowd as opposed to speaking to them. I was adamant. Theme in tow, I started playing with phrases till one sounded musical so I let it become the backbone that demands fleshing up. Finished the draft, 'recorded' it for posterity's sake and it slipped my mind. 

Till yesterday when I stood next to the keyboard and step by steady step found the notes for the whole tune. Intro led to the verse, and in one fell swoop the whole song was taking shape. It didn't sound like I hear it in my head, the soundtrack to every song I pen is an orchestra complete with a harp. It, however sounded exactly the way I was singing it. So I wrote every note, painstakingly because that is the only way to document progress. I'm singing it in two weeks. 

Why won't I keep calm about that keyboard? I convinced myself I could never play an instrument. It was all me. I listened to everyone around me bang note upon amazing note, or strum it and I whispered poisonous profanities to my soul, I was incapable of exuding such awesomeness. I was comfortable in the mundane, in my mediocrity I reveled, oh its raindrops felt like golden showers on my skin. Growth, it demands tearing yourself from the familiar, and learning to navigate upon the murky tempestuous waters of novelty. The keyboard made our house its home, and with it my curiosity was sparked. 

The first song I was able to make out by myself was "Oh ye wolves in sheep's clothing..." Its a hymn we did last year at Michael Joseph Center, the first time in my life I was asked for an encore! So everyday I dare myself to try out a new song, by ear. Titanium was my motivation...find the notes, eventually the chords will come. I can play the chorus, the verse however I gotta refer to my journal but who's worried about that?

I am learning something I already knew, discovering the keyboard is a little like discovering your voice. Or Yourself. You fumble and stumble in the dark, eventually you start to get accustomed to the madness. I am learning that trying teaches you more than theory ever could. Do I wanna become a pianist extraordinaire*? Not really. Last year Kathy Kiragu told me to train myself to aleast play the melody of any song I write on the keyboard. It would ensure that no matter who I play with, they would hear it as I want it to sound before they improvise. Composing 101. Me play? Me? I told her I'd learn. That was the end of that discussion.

I am learning, albeit in a snail-paced manner. My housemate tells me I have awesome pitch. He's probably lying, the rascal! Still trying and seeing that I can pull off a chorus, a verse, it's encouraging me to wanna stretch the bounds of my 'new found skills'. I wonder what I can do in six months, if I fiddle with the keys. Maybe I'll play a whole song by myself. So every note I correctly make out on the keyboard is an ode to life, I can do whatever I gravitate towards if I dare myself and believe. It takes ten thousand hours to become awesome at something. The clock is ticking. Scales make a singer, playing them makes a 'composer.' I am becoming.

Soda Can.

You say a lot, but it's what you're leaving out,

It's the dots I have to connect that so eagerly shout,

It's the truths you conceal thinking I can do without,

it's those actions you say that make me sad and pout,

You promised so much, I made myself think I bought it,

But I've heard so much BS I'm AVERSE TO BULLSHIT,

I wanted to go all twitterati on you and tell you to take a seat,

I realized it was important to endure this, in my journey to becoming the best fit,

Just so you know,

I won't be here for long no, 

I'm already working on my exit plan,

You can't mess and step on me like a soda can,

You say a lot,

But for some reason all of it I doubt,

Your rainbow has no gold pot,

Every rule in the honesty book you flout,

My trust got shot,

In this ensuing vocal bout,

Lies, madness and what not,

Still I made you think with me you have clout...

Just so you know,

I won't be here for long no, 

I'm already working on my exit plan,

You can't mess and step on me like a soda can,

Running rings around me, 

You think you have this game held down completely,

Go ahead and lie to your bad self honey,

Go ahead and lie to your bad self honey.

Everything burns

Tears like ashes blown away before they reach the urn, 

shadows like wind whistling with every churn, 

dreams like raindrops washed away with every chapter's turn, 

eventually you realize everything will burn.

I can't go past those words, I'd planned my next blogpost to be longer but that is all I can come up with right now. 

Torn

Voice one says:

My religion is love, 

my complexion is greatness, 

call me a deranged dove, 

there's a method to my madness,

Life is about building 

and rebuilding yourself painstakingly, 

an arduous journey, 

the gain Destiny

Voice two says: "Sometimes the heart knows the very paths it should follow, 

Sometimes the heart knows the bitter pills it should swallow, 

Sometimes the heart knows the very whispers of tomorrow, 

Telling it "when you are gold you're purified through fiery sorrow".... 

Voice three says:

My vision is clear,

My eyes soggy,

I know I'm near,

my future's door but my memory is foggy

I'm torn between want and need,

Torn between harvest and planting new seed,

Never one to lean towards greed,

I figure the voice of 'integrity I should heed...

Voice two reiterates:

"Sometimes the heart knows the very paths it should follow, 

sometimes the heart knows the bitter pills it should swallow, 

sometimes the heart knows the very whispers of tomorrow, 

telling it "when you are gold you're purified through fiery sorrow"....

Voice Three reiterates:

Indecision, Indecision,

It haunts me, it haunts me, 

Indecision, Indecison,

I'm torn completely,

Position, position,

Take off despite gravity,

is my greatest ambition,

But my wind is integrity.... 

I'm torn.

 
~Kibali~

My vote, my voice, my future,

I attended a poetry workshop recently at Pawa254 and the moderator was the indefatigable Sitawa Wafula. One of the things we had to do often was randomly come up with poetry pieces that we'd then share with the rest of the class. 

The piece I'm about to share was inspired by the 'graffiti' mural at the back wall, if you have time check it out, I wish I had the actual pic of the wall so you see envisage what fueled my train of thought :) Here goes.

My vote, My voice, My future, 

My mind I beseech thee to picture, 

That in your hands lies the power, 

To elect your future's watchtower,

Ballot revolution it starts with me,

By voting for them, I vote for me,

By making an informed choice I choose destiny,

By choosing peace, I choose continuity,

Ukabila ni ufala, 

Nafsi yangu maneno hayo yakariri kama sala

Ukabila ni ufala, 

Nafsi yangu maneno hayo yakariri kama sala,

Kamwe sitaruhusu ukweli kulala,

Ukabila ni ufala, 

Nafsi yangu maneno hayo yakariri kama sala.

Tribalism is foolish, oh my soul recite those words like a fervent prayer,

Tribalism is foolish, oh my soul recite those words like a fervent prayer, 

Never will I allow truth to slumber, Nribalism is foolish, My soul recite those words like a fervent prayer

Kibali.


@Kibalimoreithi 

Teardrops of my anger/ I found my stone

I try to educate myself everyday, and I test every truth that's presented to me, but the older I grow the more I accept myself and become averse to bullsh*t. Bullshit: Yes I reiterated it. 

I am not timid anymore neither am I gullible, I know my worth and the price I'm willing to pay to unlock it. I REFUSE to spill my energy over needless fighting, the seasons of life eventually bring Goliath to his knees via David's slingshot..

 "You get not what you want but what you bargain for", is what I've learnt recently and clearly I need to educate myself on how NOT to bargain for bullshit. No I mean every word. I'm in a state of flux right now, meaning very few people or purposes are indispensable, so understand if I'm no longer as deranged with you as I was before, treating you like royalty. You showed me you and the scales finally fell off. I saw you, I see YOU. I want nothing to do WITH YOU. 

I'm angry and writing is therapy so get pissed vicariously through my every wording.... This is not about YOU however, this is about me. My journey and my awakening. I'm done. I'M DONE!!!!!!. My other name Mwangi (Mwangangi) literally means wanderer, but I was done with the aimless drifting eons ago, it's purpose my heart beats for and if you are hellbent on suffocating me I walk. It will cost you to catch up with me, for a wanderer with vision is a potent force to reckon with. I found my stone, now all David-karma needs is a battlezone. *Strikes whoosa pose*

I'm done venting...as you were. 

ION I came across a picture I absolutely love!! 

Drowning in goodbyes.

Signs keeping telling me 'walk away',

but my blinded heart says stay, 

my mind is in complete disarray, 

because my fear won't lead me astray, 

on this lonely trail I wander, 

weak and frail I'm torn asunder, 

from who I should be I've let me-self pander, 

the very ones hellbent on taking me under. 

I watch you, I hear the sound of melody in your lies, 

I watch you, and slowly untangle myself from the ties, 

binding me to you, I've gotta ignore the war cries, 

what I gotta do, is burn this before my very soul-fountain dries, 

and my spirit dies, 

I'm drowning in goodbyes.

Kibali

Destiny's heartbeat.

Run with this day, 

dance with its tides, 

flow with its way 

until everything coincides, 

yield yourself to its expectations, 

prostrate at its feet, 

then remember your every true conviction 

is your destiny's heartbeat. 

Blend in today,

not in conformity but in acceptance,

for that is life's way,

whether planned or happenstance,

Things will change abruptly,

you'll be knocked down faster than you can say stop,

Take it all in calmly,

like cream through boiling you'll still rise to the top.

Time, give everything time,

for with somethings there is no reason or rhyme,

but the lessons they'll teach you are sublime,

for which you can never afford their price by dollar or dime,

Revel in whatever clime,

you find yourself immersed in, to reach your prime,

Its every step mime,

Soon You'll be rewarded for learning the art of 'lemonading' lime....

Kibali

Events galore.

So today I finally let go of my twitter bio, this is what it was before; "I care too much, sing too little, I write sporadically. Island owner in The Maldives :-D, I'll win a Grammy. Gerability scale:2 Sane psycho." To be quite honest, I didn't want to change it but it was time to revamp my 'online' image me thought.

Vanity aside, today I happaned to attend the Uchaguzi electoral transparency platform by Ushahidi, Hivos and Kenya Media Program at Intercontinental, please check it out, and send your obervations no matter how 'mundane', they will be verified anyway, and who knows, they could be the very texts that paint the real picture of what is happening on the ground on election day, or prior. 

So this week, there are a couple of things that I'd like you guys to check out, I'll try be chronological, because my voices are order-oriented.... "no we are not!...yes we are!....guys we are not having a fight it's my darn blogpost!" Le sigh.

First and foremost, tomorrow 12th February, Live Jam makes a return to Club sylk, along Kimathi Street, opposite KFC. Entrance is absolutely free and it features among others Wakake, Mathewmatix of Drumjam, Vocalani band, and Nairobeats. Please make a point of attending, you shall not be disappointed. Live Jam is brought to you by 1MUSiC.

14th Feb which happens to be that day we singles totally love sees the enthraling Nina Ogot take to the Stage at Tree House from 8pm. Entrance is also absolutely free! She'll be backed by Davie who is brother to the incomparable Isaac Mugunda, bassist to Eric Wainaina.

This boy this man also happens on the same day. at Ethiopian Dass Restaurant from 6 pm. Apparently they'll be auctioning Michelle Morgan and Bernard Ndong! Debauchery is made of this :)

Dass Ethiopian Restaurant, Westlands, 6.00 PM. Entrance is 600 bob if you're single and 1,000 shs for couples. Perfomances by Mimmo, El Poet, Nique Apollo and Tamasha beats.

15th Februray sees Phoenix theatres play host to the play Meetings, a masterpiece by John Sibi-Okumu, playwright, author, actor and many other things only legends are named. Students WITH student IDs pay 300shs only, only Youth Centric rewards you for being a student!

15th February also happens to be the day that Flying Kisses by Word Up live takes place at Ethiopian Dass Restaurant. Yours truly shall be singing, and yes I have been skipping in the house to increase my lung capacity. Who said singing was easy peasy! 

Finally, Sunday 17th February, Tree House via Limelight and Glow World presents Cupid's affair. You gotta be 18+ to access this event :)

Amd that's the week in a nutshell, have yourselves an awesome one. And finally check out this awesome vid by my gurl Sage featuring Octopizzo. Amazeballs doesn't even begin to describe this chica's dulcet tones! 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mdil1glAHRw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

An ode to my dark places.

Before it was:

Thoughts, bombarding thoughts, 

I need to escape from the prison my mind is dragging me, 

dots, disconcerting dots, I feel like I'm dangling at the very edge of insanity, 

I refuse to indulge you, but you won't dissipate, 

you whispering you, screaming silent truths I hate. 

  

Slowly it became:

I hate. This is hate. 

I've found hate.

I'm one with hate,

I hate, I've found hate,

Someone please confiscate,

My happy thoughts and let me be with my hate.

Now it's:

Judge me, I could care less ,

I'm mad at the world, I'm steeped in darkness,

I wish you'd understand, my madness,

I'm already swayed by the sound of bitterness,

I was gonna be strong and resist this mess,

but I realized me they won't address, 

and because my issues have gotten no redress,

to my sorry state I gladly regress,

Hate hate, this is an ode to my hate, 

This is an ode to my dark places,

This is an ode to my hatred,

Hate hate, this is an ode to my hate,

This is an ode to my hatred,

This is an ode to my dark places,

 

~Kibali~

Mustard Seed

I am a mustard seed, 

I only have one need, 

plant me. 

I am a mustard seed, 

abundance lies in me thus I'm unfazed by greed 

now plant me, 

Point me in the way I should go, 

so I remain stable in life's ebb and flow, 

enable me to grow, 

or place me in broken ground fallow.

All I ask is that you honour my wishes and propel me,

 for that is the only way I'll become a tree,

 for until then I'm just a mustard seed, 

 bound to whither if my deep dark dungeon I don't find and breed. 

 ~Kibali~

Images from Google, I have included their links.

Seeds 

Tree

The one who's straying

Here I am believing you understand me,

but nothing could be further from the truth,

here I am thinking you grasp my intricacy,

oh the lies we tell ourselves in our mental booth,

You and I are worlds apart,

nothing similar about our entities,

You are the donkey, I am the cart,

brought together by extremities.

So we trudge on,

pretending we are meant to always confide in each other,

pretending without each other we are forlorn,

yet we are like soap lather,

we foam when in contact with water,

it's the pressure that makes us come alive,

soon pleasure checks in sweet like butter,

and you forget the spare consoling time that for you I have to hive.

No let's keep this pretence going,

I really can't stand the real you,

Let this river keep flowing,

I have no time to teach about real value,

Someday when you've done your growing,

you'll realize them fancy acquintances were never true,

but i won't be here showing,

affection endlessly lest my strength you miscontrue

You won't get a word I'm saying,

It don't matter anyway,

I'm the one who's straying, 

from this facade that I've chosen to betray,

Life has a way of delaying,

lessons if you're not ready to listen when it does convey,

Ignorance has a way of baying,

for your blood when with treasure you choose to play.

Live Jam at Tapas Tamambo

                                                                                               

LIVE JAM AT TAPAS TAMAMBO, 26^TH JANUARY 2012

1Music presents Live Jam this Saturday at Tamambo Village Market from 7pm till 11pm. This is a platform that gives established and upcoming musicians a podium to showcase not only their music, but get the chance to jam live with established ones.

The Tamambo edition will feature vocalists Victor Muli, Claus Seest, as well as two bands Wakake & the Outlaws and Nairobi Rhythm Section. Wakake will be on percussion, Amani on drums, Mike Manda on keys, Munene on bass. Nairobi Rhythm section consists of Dannz from Madagascar, Dugald from Australia and Wakake. 

Entrance is only 300kshs, to be paid at the door. The event is by 1 MUSiC. 

                                                                               

1 MUSIC

1 MUSIC is a platform where artists interact with their fans regularly without the need to incur costs attached to holding live performances. The platform was created for musicians to share, perform, interact with each other and build a fan base.

We offer media coverage, publicity, and create the necessary buzz. Our desire is to create a genuine, healthy and fair field for competition among artists and up their game.

We know that it takes constant engagement to create a following. We know that it takes constant engagement to create a fan base; we appreciate that it takes constant communication to get information out. That is what 1 Music is about; we do the ground work and provide the artiste with a platform for constant engagement with their fans.

 We want to look at it as creating possibilities and going the extra mile for artists. When we do provide all the basic needs including logistics for artists, we expect the artist will take up the platform and use it for what it is meant for.

For concert information please contact:

Face book: www.facebook.com/1MusiClub

Twitter:      @1musiclub

Wakake: 0722 644 118