Mauka

Moyo wangu umetanda, hisia zenye uzani,

Na mawazo yanikanda, yanibinya akilini,

Nuru ipo ila kuona sioni,

Godoro kichapo wala silali asilani,

Hapa nlipo niko taabani,

Hofu ipo, tadidimisha afueni,

Kila kukicha nawaza mustakabali,

Maswali yamechacha, najihoji tawaje jabali

Natamauka, natamauka

Chemichemi lakauka,

Ndoto zangu zanyauka,

Natamauka,

Natamauka,

Sitaki tena rauka,

Najihisi napauka

Nakaribia mauka

Sitosheki na uhalisia,

Manake nimekisia,

Kuwa wahed tangia,

Mistwari nianze jitungia,

Napambana na hizi hisia,

Takriban miaka tisia,

Mipango kemkem mejipangia,

Ila kasri Abadan katan sijaliingia

Natamauka, natamauka

Chemichemi lakauka,

Ndoto zangu zanyauka,

Natamauka,

Natamauka,

Sitaki tena rauka,

Najihisi napauka

Nakaribia mauka

Nlivo tamani himaya,

Nkaanza tunga riwaya,

Maisha kayapa hidaya,

Ufanisi uwe wangu muhibati bila haya,

Ilmuradi kujiepushia mashakaya,

Sasa hayo yote hekaya,

Meyeyushiwa deraya,

Mejaziwa maya,

Kila nkilala nagwaya,

Kama mtoto anaehitai yaya,

Gizani mekuwa kaya,

Mejawa na huzuni kayaya.

Napauka,

natamauka

nanyauka

nakaribia mauka. 

Kibali

Mauko means death in old Swahili, and through poetic license decided to change that to Mauka denoting death of self. Shukran 

Choose

I’m a sucker for quotes, I hate to admit it. I am addicted to Berlin Art-Parasites and other similar Facebook pages because quotes that resonate with the truth I am feeding myself right now are necessary for me to grasp the transcendent, the inimitable.

I now naturally gravitate towards “truth” that mirrors or stirs up a visceral “understanding” in my soul. Being a big believer in one’s reality expanding according to one’s thoughts, I have become a conscious connoisseur of “knowledge.” I haggle with life was I make my way through the murky waters of wisdom, in search for that knowledge fountain that will quicken my metamorphosis.  

Today morning, I came across a saying by Eckhart Tolle, “if peace is what you want then you will choose peace.” As I read that, it dawned on me that everything we want for ourselves, we have to choose consciously. Because as it is said, thoughts become words that become actions that become our reality.

As I child, I remember this verse were taught in school about Jehovah placing before the Jews life and death, and asking them to choose life so that they may live. It always baffled me. So for one to live, one had to choose life? What about the ones that died yet desperately clung on to life till the last sand particle hit the hour-glass?

But now I am starting to grasp this precarious truth: conscious choice determines reality.

I have become very aware about the thoughts I think towards myself. I try my best to interrogate every single one, trying to decipher the motive and intent, its source.

I am no longer letting my “knee-jerk” thoughts ride roughshod over my mind, nachukua usukani (I am taking charge of my ship’s rudder.)

I have realized that the words that stir up in me are a clear reflection of what is going on inside me. These words give a clear picture of what I am feeling even my conscious self is too distracted to understand.

Lately I have been very angry because I have been let down by people I thought would stand at the watchtower for me. Being disappointed by the world is one thing, but being stabbed by people you considered soldiers in your quest for life is a crucible-hot mess.

So for me to see a quote like that by Eckhart Tolle, it stopped me right in my tracks. I evaluated every word the way a wine taster swirls every drop in their mouth after carefully smelling the wine and inhaling its essence.

I closed my eyes and let the words paint a melody so loud it reverberated in my being. The echoes, they brought truth to me as the rain gently pounded the trees outside. I have to choose the life I want for it to manifest.

Conscious choice, conscious actions; easier said than done. Being aware however is the first step. I am aware that I can not affect gravity, but I can slowly but surely determine the energy I let seep into my camp and the vibrations I put out.

I may not control people’s actions but I can control how I let them make me react even when every fiber of my being wants to give in to hate and basic behavior. Because choice is power, privilege, potency.

I remind myself every-time I start to expect an avalanche of bad news, that my story is neither cast in stone nor the ink drawn from the veins of men. I tell myself loudly if I must that to be afraid is one thing, but to expect a parlous outcome is unacceptable. So I slowly triumph over my fear, and every small victory sets me on the course to be the very giant I thought I’d never be.

Choose peace; choose prosperity; not just physical wealth but a thriving of the mind and soul. Choose to expand your life through pure thoughts, intent and actions. Choose to walk away from what seeks to destroy you because even destruction comes cloaked as freedom when it I just temptation.

I have chosen the growth that comes without annihilating anything in its path except mediocrity and ego. I want the best, but I want it the right way. I want to close my eyes when my race is over and not be afraid of that hell and brimstone furnace every preacher worth their tithe shouts from the mountaintops.

So I choose, and I choose deliberately and strongly. I choose peace, and I choose prosperity, because the words you speak become the house you live in, said Tabriz.

May my house be a palace inundated with joy, bursting at the seams with health. Choose. Choose.

The Ocean and The Water-drop

Yesterday was my birthday and as is the norm, I spent most of the day indoors, ensconced in my bed away from the world. It's a ritual I have developed; sit by myself, contemplating or writing what I want this new chapter to breathe into my life. The older I grow, the more I realize I love solitude, silence, and that stock taking is such a sacred moment for me. In that moment I am my most vulnerable, naked, emotionally unbalanced and can't let anyone but myself see me like that. 

This year, I did not feel like I'd have panic attacks whilst stock-taking. I went through my mental checklist and surprisingly I was on course. I embarked on this journey a few years ago, and it seemed my trajectory was as envisaged that cold night on the floor, when I promised myself change would manifest.

I haven't posted in this blog since November 2014. I no longer feel like I have anything to tell the world. My words are no longer draped in metaphors, and laden with codes begging to be deciphered. I finally started telling myself the truth, and in return the universe made more people hear it in my voice. I finally began telling myself the things I needed to hear, and in return the universe ensured the people who speak similar words gravitated towards me. 

Two of my favorite quotes are "The words you speak become the house you live in" by Tabriz and "They tried to bury us, they did not know we were seeds". 

I have learned to speak to myself, as a priest invokes blessing in the inner sanctum of the temple. My mind is the holy of holies, and mouth will speak nothing but prophetic utterances. I have learned to bless my space when everything inside me wants to shriek and curse, wither and die. I have learned to contain my thoughts, and to consciously tell myself I have the keys to the kingdom, because the universe found convergence in me.  

I have learned to let go of the schemes conniving people weave. The floods will come, but seeds, they always germinate. I have learned to give time time, and to know when seasons are changing. I no longer chase winds, or tame rivers that want to flow.

I am the ocean and the water-drop, in each moment I am both. I am finite yet immortal, weak yet a giant, silent yet roaring, seeking yet complete. 

It sounds like gibberish when put down to words, I will not apologize for that. My life began to change the day I changed the conversations I was having with myself. The day I told myself that I am a child of God, the only one of my kind this universe will ever lay its eyes upon. 

I only have this moment, and being present is my only mission. I am a mosaic of unfolding truths, a juxtaposition of contrary philosophies, a simple being, a tapestry of wonder..

I no longer seek solace in other people, even when I am attracted to their minds and hearts like a magnet. Whatever I seek in them, I will find it if only they they mirror my soul and spirit.

I have learned many things the past few years, things that took me to the periphery of insanity and the peak of ecstasy. 

You see truth when told gently to your soul, will break you but catch your falling pieces and recreate you into a masterpiece. Truth is gentle, yet truth is a sword; truth is life when you embrace it wholeheartedly. Seek your truth, when you find it your soul will blossom. Find your bliss, when you do, the universe will open up to you like a flower to the sun.

Wear your scars like stars, because they are your constellation guiding your wandering heart under the night sky. And last but not least, say yes to you, for you are enough. 

Kibali

Image: Wiki Commons

Took most of the day for these words to fully coalesce in my mind, always a relief when they do. I have tried my best to distill them so they have a modicum of sense.

Rauha. Damai. Shanti. Thayu. Salaam. Heiwa. Taika. Sidi.

Silhouette

The driver wonders if the chill has gotten to me,

As I blow my nose and say my sinuses have “run amok”,

I look outside and close the window gently,

I wipe it to see your silhouette, with his, and inwardly I choke,

You seem lost in the moment,

You seem oblivious to the downpour,

Here I am; my mood dismal, drowning in my torment,

Stuck in this Nairobi gridlock, gutted, dejected, sore

****************************************************

It was yesterday, I saw you as the rained poured furiously,

I was engrossed in my own thoughts, but somehow my eyes beheld you & I gawked surreptiously,

It was near Yaya, you were talking animatedly,

I was ensconced in that Easy taxi, clutching the seatbelt, dying silently.

Is he the one you said you would never look at?

Cause* you promised me his texts were innocuous, at that Java chat.

Now here we are, miles and distance interwoven like a mat,

Part of our tapestry; now a torn relic, discarded like a dead cat,

My soul is now a war-zone, my heart "a city decimated by Jihad",

Never thought seeing you happy would make me bleed this bad,

I wish I wasn’t angry but your memory makes me so mad,

Like the churning in my system is magma and not blood!

Maybe I should be glad,

That you saved me from bondage, but I'm just a livid lad,

That I could never mirror your dad,

That I’ll never be the best you ever had….

It feels almost silly now, admitting all this,

Just the other day I was preaching like a new proselyte about eternal bliss,

Not once did I suspect something was amiss,

Not even when you cancelled Valentines dinner for your sis.

Now I see how calculating you were,

The way you used me to get this far,

A friend I let go of, you were smitten by like Magi with Bethlehem’s star,

Oh the vengeance inside makes my mirth black like tar

I hated loving you so much that all else became vanity,

Blindly I drank, and got intoxicated by the sweet nectar

I was mesmerized so much by your entity,

Our soundtrack was Tracy Chapman’s Fast Car,

Now all I see is your shadow and silhouette,

A mirage in the desert, sarabi jangwani, mazigazi,

No more will I allow life, love's appetite to whet,

I am done being fettered with emotions that drive me crazy!

Kibali

Image: Wiki Commons

Caveat: This was written as part of the Sanaa Book Club Challenge "A Taxi, an old friend and Valentine's day"

Sahara's Sands

I have an anger that rages like an incandescent fire burning bright,

Staining my heart with a darkness thicker than night,

I have anger so toxic it gives my sanity fright,

Threatening my soul with wilting worse than blight,

My eyes are blinded even though they perceive light,

My limbs are powerless even though this emotion gives me might,

For when I behold you with my “sight”,

I hope I do not do things I will pretend to regret, so that from incarceration my conscience gains flight

Oh my words mean nothing right now,

Someday they will be the evidence you wish you had,

They will be the irrefutable proof that evaded you somehow,

Because you couldn't decipher their meaning interred.

And I will make you bow,

At the very altar you desecrated and defiled lout-lad,

And the sacrifice will be your body, as my wrath into you starts to plow,

I’ll watch as you get erased like a fleeting fad…

Erased like footprints upon Sahara’s sands engulfing Chad

For you resemble the monster lurking in my shadows,

Whose genesis no one knows,

You resemble the demon that glows,

In the darkness, where hades rows,

You smile but death stains your countenance,

You are the spawn of (a ménage a trois between) Medusa, Behemoth and Leviathan; that rancid romance,

I hope I never get the chance,

To incinerate you to smouldering ashes with this same fire you ignited with your foul fragrance

My words mean nothing right now,

Someday they will be the evidence you wish you had,

They will be the irrefutable proof that evaded you somehow,

Because you couldn’t decipher their meaning; how sad.

And I will make you bow,

To the very altar you desecrated and defiled old lad,

And the sacrifice will be your body as my wrath into you starts to plow

I’ll watch as you get erased like a fleeting fad…

Erased like footprints upon Sahara’s sands engulfing Chad

Look at the way you gloat like Goliath

Look at the way the philistine in you roars like a lion,

Look at the way you smugly "scare" like Samson,

Because you assume Delilah cannot mess with “their” scion,

Watch out Ahab,

Jezebel will ensure you fall and get impaled on iron,

Hang your soul with the scarlet cord of Rahab,

And ensure there is no respite for you in Zion,

Kibali

Pic Credits: Wiki Commons 

Caveat: Don't take me too seriously 

Scribbling Sages (Underneath)

Solomon said guard you heart for from it, flows the wellspring of life.

Because trusting the wrong ones, is like stabbing yourself with a rusty knife,

You may heal, eventually,

Or die from the wounds inflicted so callously.

But how pray tell does one stay uninjured in strife?

When even love is a war-zone that makes sallow survivors of a husband and wife?

You learn to accept your scars though initially,

The pain tears you up internally.

For in accepting your flaws and your pain,

Your sanity you begin to regain,

And though your mind sings the refrain,

Of defeat, you learn the harmony of victory,

For in accepting the sunshine and the rain,

Serenity you begin to attain,

The floods blot out every stain,

As your future rewrites your history.

Underneath, underneath,

The storm rages,

To bequeath, to bequeath,

Sublime knowledge is life’s way in all stages,

Underneath, underneath,

Pain permeates the pages,

Seemingly, like ink writing on your pith,

Writing wisdom’ words, like scribbling sages

The harmony of victory,

Is learned though wadding in the darkness,

Stumbling through the misery,

Finding yourself whilst drowning in the murky waters that caress,

They caress at the onset but lacerate your skin,

For a saw is meant to draw blood,

But you learn to close off the world and battle the ogres within,

Until you find tranquillity, when enough you’ve had..

For in accepting your flaws and your pain,

Your sanity you begin to regain,

And though your mind sings the refrain,

Of defeat, you learn the harmony of victory,

For in accepting the sunshine and the rain,

Serenity you begin to attain,

The floods blot out every stain,

As your future rewrites your history.

Underneath, underneath,

The storm rages,

To bequeath to bequeath,

Sublime knowledge is life’s way in all stages,

Underneath, underneath,

Pain permeates the pages,

Seemingly, like ink writing on your pith,

Writing wisdom’ words, like scribbling sages

Reminding you that in accepting your flaws and your pain,

Life’s ebb and flow,

Your sanity you begin to regain,

Immortality the gods bestow,

And though your mind sings the refrain,

Of defeat as the burdens boat you row,

 You learn the harmony of victory in accepting the sunshine and the rain,

That teaches your soul as you go

Serenity you attain,

The floods blot out every stain,

Your future rewrites your history,

Your life becomes a glorious story.

It all starts underneath.

Kibali

Image Copyright:

Copperman

Wikimedia Commons

When Art Collides, Voices Are Unchained

Namaste! I should be gushing, nay waxing lyrical about a poetry event, but I am not one to turn down a chance to rant so indulge me good people! 

Kenya is a country of contrasts; a passive aggressive chamaa that suddenly erupts like magma when the right catalyst is introduced. We remain silent when we should be vocal, and vile when we should be subtle and scintillating. 

Look at our keyboard ninja proclivity, that says more about who we are than the Maasai images and elephants gallivanting in Maasai Mara under a sunset sky. Yes yes, sweeping statements, I shouldn't generalize!. All the same, we are an interesting lot.

It is with that in mind that this Sunday, two spoken word artists go “head to head” to shatter this festering fault of ours. Mufasa and Teardrops, have teamed up to venture where angels fear to tread. They will lay their hearts bare, for all and sundry to see. Dubbed "Unchained Voices", it will set the stage for what will hopefully be more people plucking up the courage to make their voices heard, and their truths told. LOUDLY

The icing on the cake will be their debut albums, which will be unveiled on the day ready to be snatched up by eager poetry die-hards. Teardrops, known for his flawless flow and Sheng mastery, will be unveiling his long awaited debut offering "Memoirs of a Wordsmith". 

Mufasa, known for his raging roar, juxtaposition of imagery and emotive delivery will be unleashing his debit masterpiece, 'Inside out". 

And since they decided to serve a bodacious buffet, music will be by the vivacious Vereso, salubrious Sarabi and heartthrobs Hart_the_band.  Talk of effervescent art! Unchained Voices will also feature mime, expressive dance, painting, and graffiti! 

Abeg, what more do you need to be told that this deserves prominence on your calenders people? 

Alliance Francaise, doors swing wide open at around 3;00 pm, although the show officially kicks off at 4:00 pm, all the way to 6:00 pm. Tickets are  KES 500 advances, and KES 800 shillings at the gate.

Tickets available at Pawa 254 though you can also contact +254 720 785 173 

Sabalkheri, Sayonara