Kibali

Days such as this,
The song inside so stirs me,
And the melody that fills my heart with bliss,
Awakens me with singing,
And my lips can't contain it,
It's an ode to purpose and my heart beats for it,
It's the sound of life calling me,
Because He poured lavishly...

Kibali Kibali, 
Kanimiminia Jalali, 
Kanihakikishia halali, 
Hadi niwe jabali.

How I remember,
the tears I shed like a stream,
as I watched every ember,
of my impossible dream,
get extinguished,
'Its done' fear whisphered incessantly,
in pain I languished,
but He re-established me.

And my lips can't contain it,
its my ode to purpose and my heart beats for it,
it's the sound of life calling me,
because He poured lavishly...

Kibali Kibali, 
Kanimiminia Jalali, 
Kanihakikisha halali, 
Hadi niwe jabali. 

So this song, shall know no silencing,
It will keep me dancing, till my heart stops beating, o

Oh this song, it shall keep ringing,


My soul singing, and my voice resounding.


PS: Kibali means favour, Jalali means God, Jabali means rock. For those who won't understand the refrain :-)

Usodai

Kila safari ina mwisho,

Hata upawe ngapi vitisho,

Ufuoni hutoki bila kivukisho,

Tia maanani hamasisho,

Si kosa kumbeleza

Ila ukiamua wewe kunipeza,

Ni kibarua ushateleza,

Nami sasa nakueleza.

Sirai na sijidai,

Wala sina wakti wa kukanusha yako madai,

Moyo ukikinai,

Kinacho salia ni usodai'

Mengi yamesemwa  

Ila  mnazi sharti kugemwa,

Mate kwangu yametemwa,

Kisha washtushwa na zangu memwa (memoir),

Nimefunzwa na dunia,

Hatimaye ni vyema kughairi nia,

Swahiba wali kwa sinia,

Jua kwangu ukaidi hutonimiminia.

Sirai na sijidai,

Wala sina wakti wa kukanusha yako madai,

Moyo ukikinai,

Kinacho salia ni usodai

Uvumilivu huisha, wazuri hujatisha,

Kwako tena sitobisha, ndio hali ya maisha,

Subra imekwisha, ishu zetu nimesitisha,

Nlikudhamini ukanidhalilisha, ila shakuvua taji nlokuvisha.

PS:

Usodai (ukaidi) means arrogance, or pride based on context. While this piece uses a love relationship gone sour as its premise, every shade of skewed relationships applies. "When love (patience etc runs out and I can't stand your bulls**t anymore), arrogance takes over." No need to esteem them that treat you with disdain.

#ripamina

Been up since 2 am pondering, reminiscing but thats not why I decided to write this. Naturally when my 'insomnia' kicks in, I log in to facebook and twitter. For the people who are twitter diehards, y'all know that trending topics or TT's are twitter's way of social clicktivism (a portmanteau~ click +activism) 

Today enpassant, I came across an article Aljazeera English posted, about Amina, a 16 year old Moroccan girl brutally raped, then forced to marry her attacker. 

Article 475 of Morocco's law basically states that if you defile a female under the age of 18, you are exempted from serving a jail term if you consequently marry your victim! Hows twisted is that? Repulsive, repugnant are adjectives that dont do that law just description! 

Thus Amina, forced by a cruel archaic and patriachal system that seeks to protect the family honour and male sacrilege, was through her father's consent pawned away. She ingested poison and her 'husband's' way of reviving her was raining kicks and blows on her frail, lifeless body as she was 'ferried' back from whence she came. Why people dont demand a legislative overhaul of such archaic laws confounds me. 

16. At 16 I was barely ready to be a teen, constantly battling acne that peer pressure paled in comparison! At 16, she was no longer her father's daughter, but an object of shame, to be discarded at whatever cost. Im so sad. Why must this be condoned? 

Rest in peace Amina.

PS: Wrote this on March 14th 2012.

Happy birthday to me

I've made it through; been a year so tempestuous, so tumultuous, so terrifying. Left my job, left uni, moved houses, and left Mombasa to chase dreams that felt like unpalpable shadows. I lost friendz, lost peace of mind, lost joy, lost relevance...was embraced by despondency but God Kept me. 

It's been darn difficult, most days I don't believe it, it seems so surreal. But Ive been carried, through every storm i have been secure, and though opportunities have tarried, of that Im sure. Im thankful for where I am today, Im much closer to living the dream life I conjured up in my head. 

I'm officially a singer in a band, as well as an aspiring writer, I'm on my way...may not have a conventional job or money to boot but it is well...may God bless 2012, Im gonna recover...thank you Lord you for that Grace that keepeth me and supplieth freely, when every door seems shut, and every scar's a reminder of many deep a cut, thank you for letting me see, how a seed sprouts to be a tree...

HBD Mwangi

PS: Wrote this on 21st March :)

Morning Monologues

Some days I wake up before the proverbial 'crack of dawn' &have an honest chat with either myself or a 'representation' of someone I crave candid communication with. Candour requires bluntness which I totally lack. Today however, after my weekly 'therapy session', I came to some corny conclusions: I'm black and white; I either totally amaze or totally disappoint, never grey.

I'm either really up or really down, im either likeable or down right hate inducing. When I meet a cool person, I want them to be a part of my life so it rubs off. 

Yesterday I went for an audition and I was called emotionless (callous, stoic)...Ironically I'm quite emotional, I just don't fake it or open up unless I feel safe enough to. One thing though, Ive gotten better at handling rejection & the many a crisis in my life. Oh yeah, I also love closure; being unsure of where I stand with someone on any issue sucks. That's me, the kawaa dude that 'rarely impresses', unless you look at my potential. 

Your choice.

The journey I'm on.

As iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another. Being around skilled people I have found is 'silent' apprenticeship; you absorb and grow exponentially and are stirred to be phenomenal. 

The life lessons you accrue concerning self expression, courage and being true allow you to tether yourself to a place devoid of inhibitions. I have made it my life's ambition to be careful about who I tap into as a creative. I want to be around people oozing positive energy, socially conscious wights who understand that words, music, actions have a ripple effect. 

Thus lately Im taking every opportunity to meet and 'sit at the feet' of people I consider awesome. I seek growth. I seek synergy because while one can chase a thousand, two can chase ten thousand. A caveat of sorts, 'your network determines your networth' is another determinant. I wanna be around dreamerz, and vision bearers cum midwives. I want to be phenomenal, and that is the journey I'm on.

Imovedon.com

I haven't thought of you in a while,
And I'm glad you walked away, 
I was tired of the many a mile, 
I'd go to make you stay, 
I haven't missed you at all, 
I even forgot what you sound like, 
I'm glad you let me fall, 
out of like with just one strike, 


Oh there's no greater feeling than that of freedom, 
Knowing that your heart is free from 'martyrdom'...
Than getting over you teacup storm, 
And returning to my kingdom, 
Imovedon.com. 


I'm glad this madness is over, 
Look at what I put myself through, 
Wondering if I'd have to hover, 
Just so I'd keep you, 
You noticed I stopped calling, 
I'm amazed I deleted your number, 
I admit there was some stalling, 
Because of the few good times I'd remember, 


But oh there's no greater feeling than that of freedom, 
Knowing that your heart is free from 'martyrdom'...
Than getting over you teacup storm, 
And returning to my kingdom, Imovedon.com. 


I'd have taken you back in a heartbeat, 
But thank you for shutting me out, 
They don't have a tourniquet, 
For a heart that's worn out. 
I'd have taken you back, 
If me you'd meet, 
Halfway koz for that I have a knack,
But thankfully I'm over it.

Seasons will see to it.

My best is yet to come, 

I can't wait to become,

Like fine wine get better with age, 

And glorious be the latter showcase for my life's stage, 

My best is yet to come, 

My best chordz I'm yet to strum, 

As goes the old adage, 

The mighty oak was once a seed said the sage.

 'So I await to manifest, 

Watching every test bring out my best, 

Time sees the eagle build a nest, 

And seasons see to it that even winter has rest.' 

May have taken long, Yes It's tarried, 

Many ask what I did wrong, Even my folks are worried, 

But I sing the same song, Let your fears remain buried, 

To the future I belong, To my moment I shall be carried.

I lack an answer for why my journey differs, 

Or why my dream constantly suffers,

But I know for sure I'll have offers,

When the time is right for my works they'll empty their coffers. 

'So I await to manifest, 

And watch every test bring out my best, 

Time sees the eagle build a nest, 

And seasons see to it that even winter has rest' 

And So seasons will see to it That I get my chance, 

Won't throw a fit, I'll endure every circumstance, 

Won't accept defeat, I won't change my stance, 

Seasons will see to it, that favour upon me casts its glance, and grants me that dance. 

Rain, Vapour, Ice.

Observe water,
It takes any form, 
To change it won't falter,
It knows when to transform,
It can be a gentle stream or splatter, 
It can be a storm, 
No matter the chapter, 
It knows change belies excellence's norm.


'Determine your price, 
By letting your journey towards excellence be your sacrifice, 
If you allow what you've achieved to suffice, 
you'll remain water, when you be rain, vapour, ice.' 


Practice practice grow, 
You learn to do by doing, 
Study, into the throes of knowledge burrow, 
Its the secret to conquering, 
To eat through a rock water must flow, 
There's no room for stagnating, 
Work on you your boat row, 
You'll not regret what you're becoming. 


'Determine your price, 
By letting your journey towardz excellence be your sacrifice, 
If you allow what you've achieved to suffice, 
You'll remain water when you can be rain, vapour, rain, ice. 


Challenge your ability, there are no boundz to what you can achieve, 
Let your self be a repository, of quality so quality you can give, 
Make excellence your identity, to slacken or grow is your prerogative, 
And you'll realize superiority, from you is easy to retrieve.

Free utterly

when your mind is unclouded, and your heart is free,
when in pain no longer shrouded, there is a flourishing of creativity,
when your soul is soaring, beyond vanity,
you hear the roaring of your identity.

In that constant you are king,
memories distant you start to sing,
bells chime far away but you hear them ring,
that's just the way sweet melodies you bring...

so let yourself be free, emancipate yourself completely, 
allow yourself to be, utterly, totally, against unnecessary mental malleability. 

See this heart wasn't meant to be bound,
shackle me and I'm no longer on steady ground,
being unrestrained i have found, is the only I'm able to release my sound,
when there's freedom all around,
there's no longer regurgitation of a memorized mound,
of someone else's opinions that seek to pound, me to a conformed callous hedged hound...

oh in that constant I am king,
memories distant I start to sing,
bells chime far away but I hear them ring,
that's just the way sweet melodies I bring....

so let yourself be free, emancipate yourself completely, 
allow yourself to be, utterly, totally, against unnecessary mental malleability

The lie that I'm whole

Some days I miss you,
some days I don't,
some days I trip over the fact,
 that one plus one isn't always two,
some days I yearn for you,
some days the font, used to write my contract,
gives me the nostalgia I rue.

'See you are my weakness, 
the lie that I am whole, 
you are my lonileness, 
without you north is south pole, 
you are my laughter, 
my joy blanketed by sorrow, 
you are my happy never after, 
the wound from cupid's arrow."

Some days I feel you,
when music kisses my lips,
when notes caress me,
like a gentle breeze,
some days I need you,
like patients need water drips,
to bring nourishment and healing, I
'm ravaged by your disease.

''See you are my weakness, the lie that I'm whole, 
you are my lonileness, 
without you north is south pole, 
you are my laughter, 
my joy gone blanketed by sorrow, 
you are my unhappy ever after, 
the wound from cupid's arrow... 

everytime I fall in love, its always with the one i cant have,
its always with,
a disarming dove,
meant for flight, my firefly kite,
when carried by the wind I can't breathe,
like lungs sans air after a fight.

The begining of questioning

I hate days like these, 

when I'm permeated by worry, 

when it stings like bees, 

wanting to send me to the infirmary, 

I seek keys, 

to solve the mystery, 

Of why my life won't cease, 

'being akin' to slavery,

"See everything takes time, but time takes everything, 

there's no reason or rhyme, for every happening, 

All I can do is quell, the need for immediacy, 

to understand full well, that the depth of despondency" 

Is the beginning of questioning, why I treasure what I do, 

why I worry about everything, till I'm unable to, 

start believing, that someday my wings will fly, 

and I'll start achieving, my trade successfully ply.. 

"See everything takes time, but time takes everything, 

there's no reason or rhyme, for every happening, 

All I can do is quell, the need for immediacy, 

to understand full well, the depth of despondency". 

Some days I wonder, about the paths I've taken, 

when they've torn asunder, my destiny and I my foundations shaken, 

I've slowly awoken, to the realization that it was to sharpen, 

my skills and open, doors the way its meant to happen.

The taste of your water (Tame lions)

I've stopped chasing winds and rainbows, 

stopped chasing illusions, to the sea a river flows, 

the heart knows its decisions. 

I've stopped believing in fairytales,

stopped hoping in lies, 

everything pales, the superhero eventually dies... 

'Now my river surges on, I still have water to quench my thirst, 

yes I've chosen to be alone, even though you were my first, 

Now the taste of your water is gone, 

thought living alongside a river made me riparian, 

thought you were the bone of my bone, but tame lions never turn vegetarian.

Painfully discovered this fact, this fact of life, 

nothing beats the cruel act, of your fantasy cut by reality's knife, 

but better to watch a fire extinguished, than let your heart be clouded by smoke, 

in truth deception is vanquished, thanks to this wisdom my dams broke. 

'Now my river surges on, I have enough water to quench my thirst, 

yes I've chosen to be alone, even though you were my first, 

Now the taste of your water is gone, thought living alongside a river made me riparian, 

thought you were the bone of my bone, but tame lions can never be vegetarian

Limitations (New Narrative)

Limitations,
Are imitations, of limits,
Darn deceptions,
That seek incarcerations without permits,
They preach bondage, in every age
making you hermits,
So stir up your rage, war wage,
reclaim your summits!!

'Purpose to write a new narrative, 
don't allow life to faze you till you forget to live, 
make impossibility your new pet peeve, 
whatever you conceive & perceive you can achieve!'

Limitations are but chains holding you in the dark,
but inside of you is a shining spark.
Don't let the whispers drown out your bark,
its all in your head the reality they call stark...

''Purpose to write a new narrative, 
don't allow life to faze you till you forget to live, 
make impossibility your new pet peeve, 
whatever you conceive & perceive you can achieve!'

Declare it, believe it, envision you in it, and be it.
Speak it, breathe it, immerse yourself it, own it...

Author of my life.

I am the author of my life: I erase pages, I falter between characters and the plot, some 'burn my books' but because this story is mine, I'll keep narrating it my way. I am the author of my life, embroiled by sadness and strife I surge forward, surrounded by sights and sounds I trudge towards, a destiny I see in my mind, clearly laid out, clearly mapped out. 

Everyday I write and rewrite, I'm not aiming for a masterpiece, the pièce de rèsistance is me. I am the plot, the hero, the sheriff, the villain, I am the warrior, the coward, the prologue, the ending. I don't know how my story begins or how it ends; post womb amnesia is the bane of our existence. Nonetheless I am now fully aware of my faculties and that's what I strive to cultivate, a sacred sanctuary for myself. 

My book is penned controversially, my beliefs span a thousand shades of faiths, but I keep objectivity and subjectivity, fact and truth as two sides of the same coin. I am the author, the publisher, the acquisition editor, the marketer. I'm bad with graphics, but I'm amazing with words, because they are my own, embellished with my DNA, sanctified by my truth, embraced by my fears, laced with my dreams. I am just an author, and so are you. So, won't you write?!